9. Miss popular (with the public)

It's been an odd week, very warm, far too humid, bits of rain and hardly any grief at all. The 'on street' situation East has been relatively quiet - a very good turnround on the 60 or so free 1 hr bays, in fact I only issued 6 PCN's for overstaying all week (normally do more than that in a day), however, quiet a dramatic increase in "beyond the bay markings" and Disabled Bay offenders. The 24 contravention (beyond the bay markings) is so contentious as being parked slap in the middle of 2 bays is never the drivers fault - it is always the fault of the inconsiderate git that forced them to park that way in the first place. For that reason I try and get the ticket on and away from the scene as fast as I can as any rows are normally quite intense - this isn't always easy though as one parked across bays generates more as most drivers just cannot be bothered to ensure they park correctly and just 'go with the flow'. For that reason I was stuck in one 80 yd stretch for nearly 20 minutes issuing PCNS on 8 cars all in a line - one of my worst nightmares but as luck woul have it I managed to escape to the car park without incident.



Patrolling the car park, I was checking the machines as usual and, when retrieving my token from one I pulled out the token plus just over £1 in small change (a small perk if you will). As I was walking away from the machine an Asian lady approached me waving a £10 note and asking for change.

"I'm sorry madam but we do not carry change for the machines as we would then not have time to check all the vehicles"

"This is stupid - I've come miles just to get here and do not have any change as I did not know how much the parking would cost"

I don't know about you, but if I go anywhere I always ensure I have some change for just such an event!

"Thats OK madam - just go and get some change - I won't ticket you as long as you don't take more than 10 minutes - there is a shop at the car park entrance that is used to get change for the car park"

"But I have 2 small children in the car and it takes so long to get them out and into the pushchair" - but she would have to do that anyway ???

"Just how long were you intending to stay here then?"

"I don't know - it's my first time so I've come for a look around" - about 5 minutes should do that :)

"I'll tell you what - take this 50p and have a couple of hours on me (or whoever forgot to get their change out of the machine)" - The look of amazement on her face amused me greatly

"But I couldn't do that"

"Why not - I'd rather you put a ticket in your car than me put one on it" - and with that I put the 50p into the machine and handed her the ticket



As I was leaving the car park I nearly bumped into a young bloke with his very young daughter standing outside of the public toilets - the Gents closed due to vandalism. I could see by the way she was standing just how desperate his daugher was so I offered to take her into the ladies and get him out of his predicament (too young to go on her own) - offer greatly accepted.



I was patrolling with my colleague Barney - a very amiable, sociable chap but a real stickler when it comes to work - everything is black or white - no excuses. As the beat area is relatively small we tend to cross paths about every 20 mins or so and he was on lates so not due till 10:30. There is a guy who has a market stall selling fruit and veg and always leaves his big green van parked next to his stall on the DYL - a no no but as the road is a dead end and gets hardly any traffic down it I'm quite happy to overlook the infringement and, probably because of that, get on well with the stallholder. I was chatting with him when he asked who I was working with today.

"Your mate Hitler"

"Oh bugger - I've got to move the van then" - loads of run ins and tickets from Barney

"Fraid so"

"Damn - thanks for the warning anyway"

And with that he grabbed a huge Fuji apple and tossed it to me - which of course I couldn't accept but as it was pointed out that it was shop soiled (where???) and I just love Fuji's I decided to bend the rules just this once anyway. Barney was amazed that I'd moved the green van on - "I thought you turned a blind eye to him" - which is what I really like about Barney - he does things his way and would never dream of 'ratting' on anyone who didn't do everything 'by the book'. It is amusing when we go for a coffee in a cafe overlooking a DYL '02' area, as he squirms everytime a car pauses outside as he just wants to get out there and move them on or stick a ticket on - I think it's the sadist in me that always makes him go there for coffee. Oddly, the only time our coffee break has been interupted by a quick issue was by me when I just had to slap one on a white van man that was just taking the mickey too much and thought he could get away with it. Barney would never do that as it goes against the black or white rules - you can't issue when on a break - but he can't just turn it off and ignore what goes on outside the window.

8. Miss Unpopular

After a pretty relaxing week off I've been sent East this week, normally good for issuing but so far incredibly slow. I've managed quite a few good chats with the public, even had a chat lasting about 20 mins with a guy who had been issued to illegaly as I pointed out when he showed me the ticket (not one of ours I hasten to add). This poor guy had returned to his car in the car park just in time to see a PA slap a ticket on - for being one minute late. He appealed to the council who basically told him to pay up or else so I advised him to appeal to NPAS as I'm damn certain the adjudicator would throw that out as it leaves no scope for time differences between the ticket machine and the drivers watch.



Anyway, he showed me the PCN and the P&D ticket and lo and behold the ticket expired at 10:05 yet the PA started issuing the ticket at 10:04, although it was printed at 10:06 - that is bloody naughty by any standards. I advised him to contact the council again and demand some recompense or take it to the papers (Islington - tut tut tut).



The rest of the day was spent sweating as the humidity rose dramatically, not getting many issues and finally moving to Central for the last couple of hours a that is where the best chance for late shoppers tickets is - I managed to well exceed the 'target' so was quite content.



Today we had one of the interminable team meetings - more of the same old same old - we need more revenue - issue more tickets. Worryingly there was a distinct hint that the targets are likely to be increased (as if we don't have enough trouble with them now) and once again my concerns about the safety of the PA's and the apparent lack of concern by the Council were met with silence. I requested that we work in pairs to cover each other backs but that would mean a drop in revenue apparently so no to that. That peeved me mightily so I've demanded an independant Risk Assessment on our job (as is my right according to the HSE). That went down like a lead balloon - I get the distinct impression that the powers that be don't imagine we can think for ourselves and of course it means that the Council might actually have to do something about our safety (if the assessment goes the way I hope it does).



So now I'm public enemy no. 1 but I really do not care - I know my rights and I'll fight them all the way if I have to - they've grabbed a tiger by the tail :)

PS - just browsed Bill Stickers Blog - if you havn't already go there - the latest post / poem is the muts - keep it up Bill

7. Confessions of a Traffic Warden

I watched the program last night - I'm guessing this is the one tha Bill Stickers was talking about some months back when it was in production. To say the show was one sided is a bit of an understatement, and it certainly has done nothing at all to improve our lot out there. I'm just mighty glad I'm not in for a few days as I would expect shedloads of grief after that.

I've never taken a 'vendetta' out on anyone - If I get a 'challenge' I will do my utmost to win it, but once only, just to prove my point. As for the freebies - what bloody freebies ??. We regularly use the same few cafes (those that we feel welcome in) and while it has been known for the price of a coffee to be adjusted slightly (we buy in bulk) I've never been offered free food or anything like that - and wouldn't accept it even if I was.

I do tend to agree with the guy who ticketed 40+ cars on Christmas Eve though - I really cannot see why we should 'look the other way' just because its Christmas when most of the motorists are really taking the P by parking wherever they want and not expecting tickets - having said that I don't think I would issue that amount, I'd just stick to the 'cough cough' target 'cough cough'

6. mixed emotions

It's been a funny few days. As I've been saying we few PA's working here atm are not overly happy with the 'higher ups' not blatantly refusing to do anything about our safety, but certainly not making any noticeable effort either.This culminated on Friday with my colleague getting a right pasting from some drunken gits who claimed he'd ticketed their car. It all came out of the blue, as most asaults do, and was over fairly rapidly as the aggressors went back into the pub. My colleague had his sunglasses broken and a cut to the face as well as substantial bruising, but more than that it is the shock that does the damage. When all this was going on there was nothing he could do to get any help as the only 'aid' we have is a mobile phone.

Immediatley afterwards he phoned the police who took over 20 minutes to arrive - and that is another thing that really annoys us - we have called the police / ambulance for assaults on the public and they attend generally within 5 minutes, however whenever we call for help, they have never yet arrived in under 15 minutes which is far to late. Apparently we are lower on the ladder than a turd on the sole of a shoe - and that came from one of the police when we asked them why they took so long. This has all been reported to our bosses but nothing has ever been done about it as usual.

Anyway, by the time the police had finished questioning my colleague and gone to the pub, the assailants had either hidden themselves or got a pub full of cast iron alibis and, once again, no action will be taken. Suffice to say that feelings are running very hot now and there is talk about refusing to issue any more until some form of safety equipment is forthcoming.

On Saturday, 4 of us were patrolling, in pairs for safety and the day was fairly uneventful while also beeing gloriously warm, which at least made us feel ,to some degree, contented. I had no trouble from anyone at all, in fact I didn't see a single driver on the 14 I issued to, and only got a small amount of grief from the recipient of one of my colleagues PCN's.

Today however I was out on my own, and very very nervous. I had been told, unofficialy of course, by my Super to just stooge about a bit, get a ticket if it is safe, but generally stay out of harms way. So, when I drove past Gloucester Rd in the East area and saw about 15 cars all parked on the DYL there, I was left in a bit of a quandry. Common sense said get the hell out of there and pretend I'd not seen anything, but by then the competitor had woken up and was already parking the car. I was puzzled as to why these motors were there as I'd never seen a collection like that here before, but started issuing nevertheless. There were 3 BB's and I wound up ticketing 13 vehicles in about 20 minutes, again not seeing any drivers. As I drove off I noticed a small church hiding at the side of the road that I had'nt seen before, and standing outside it was a huge wedding party - Oh damn, damn and damn. Now I realised just what I'd issued to I really did feel guilty and accelerated away sharply to get back to the office.

Now. I know that petrol is damned expensive nowadays, but this still seems a bit extreme to me

5. More of the wet stuff

West again, but with a colleague today. To my mind just another case of those higher up not having a clue about what happens on the street. Time and time again we tell them that West does not need 2 PA's to cover it, even on market days, as the beat is so small - they'd be better off moving spare resources (damn - mgmt speak - forgive me) to the areas that do need them (East on market days). But no, they obviously know better, so we have two PA's struggling like mad to get the obligatory 10 tickets apiece from an area where one PA has trouble meeting the targets (oooh sorry, I keep forgetting I'm not allowed to call them that)

So, we split the miniscule beat up (obviously we are not allowed to patrol together), with me taking one end comprising half of the high street, the contentious loading bays and 20 or so 20 min bays, and my colleague the other half with the 3 car parks and an equally contentious bus stop and 02 area.

Things went quite well my end - by midday I'd collared seven miscreants, mainly from the loading / disabled bays and was thinking I'd hit my 'target' without too many problems. My Colleague had bugger all so we stopped for lunch. For the afternoon I gave my colleague the opportunity to take the 'busy' end but she wanted to stay put and thats the way it stayed. Suffice to say I got nowt for the next 3 hours while my colleague was tripping over illegals, garnering her a healthy 12 in just over 2 hours (BITCH !!!) - and just to add insult to injury I was soaked right through and feeling fairly miserable.

After she had left for home (early shift) I headed off to pastures new ie the now PAless East to see if I could get the last three tickets required to keep my head off the chopping block. Ninety mins later I had collared another seven much to my amazement so returned to the office.

Since Mgmt have imposed these 'guidelines' of 10 per day, the job has changed from one being fairly easy going with a good atmosphere and rapport with ones colleagues to a state of back stabbing nervousness and a healthy mistrust nee hatred of the blue collar brigade. You develop your own codes when out there and I refuse point blank to slap a PCN on some poor sod whose rear wheel is 2 inches over a DYL just to make some stuck up arse of a manager happy. If I get the 'target' then fine, but they have to realise that there are days when you can't do it, no matter how hard you try.

On a lighter note :-
For three years, the traffic warden had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! “Helen, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!” “Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’ and decided it would be better to have a b----d in the family than a traffic warden.”

4. Damp

You'd never have guessed we just had a Bank Holiday weekend would you - rain, rain and more rain - was well peeved as we traditionaly go to the Southend Airshow but gave it up this time - all BH Monday spent on the computer Ebaying like a thing possessed - but happy at grabbing a great new graphics card for my PC and saving bout £100 :)

Today started off well, I'm dumped West this week, generally terminaly boring - a small beat, 3 car parks, lots of on-street bays, loading bays and the good ol Disabled as well. I parked up in one of the few totally free all day places (lets face it, if I don't know where they are, no-one does) and headed off to a Datsun on SYL a few yards away. 2 mins later the ticket is printed and I realise I've come out without any PCN envelopes - what a stupid bitch ffs. I managed to find a single in my car, slapped it on, photo'd and back to the car for a swift run back to the office. On the way I spotted 3 motors merrily parked on DYL and made a note to look at them on the way back - got 2 of them so the whole fiasco wasn't a complete waste.

The rest of the day was spent dodging showers, which oddly all turned up every time I took a break and was sitting in the car, drinking tea and reading the latest Wilbur Smith. About 4 o clock I discovered I was the omly person on lates - so much for the "We'll always ensure that there are two of you on lates to avoid any trouble" - yet another management cock up. It beggars belief really, they wonder why we are all unhappy yet just keep piling Sh*t on us and expect us to smile sweetly and ask for more. Anyway I decided to avoid any contravential areas as I was on my own (the last couple of hours on a late shift are normally spend patrolling the whole Borough), headed East to try my luck but failed miserably, so went back to Central for a quickie on a SYL. A total of 10 for the day - oooh mgmt will be pleased - I reached the target that doesn't officially exist.

This amused me

3. just a quickie

Very quiet out there today - normal Aztec run then a mad rush to ticket a BB abuser before the time limit was up - I made it with about 20 seconds to spare. Odd story with this woman, I was approached in the street a few days ago by a guy wanting to know what can be done about people abusing BB's. I explained the difficulties we have as proving BB abuse is a nightmare, and the more we chatted the more I recognized the offending vehicle. A quick question as to the location and it was confirmed.

Apparently this young female parks there approx 8:45 every morning - its in a 'commuter zone' and has a 1 hr restriction between 9-10, nicely covered by the BB - then buggers off to the station and goes to work. I've noticed this vehicle there for the past few weeks but never seen the driver, so I nipped back down to the offending vehicle and took details of the BB which I then reported to my manager. A few phone calls later and it transpires that the BB is registered to an 81 yr old man and that the police have shown an interest in it for abuse.

So, next morining and I'm parked a few yards away from where she parks and waiting - a few minutes later she pulls up, gets out, locks up and heads off to the station, all nicely photographed by me from my hidey hole. Ten mins later when the restriction starts I slap a PCN on, photo it very carefully, note it in my logbook with even more care as I do not want this thrown out and head off to finish the Aztec run. Next day the car is back again, this time with the BB positioned so that it could not possibly be missed by anyone giving the car just a cursory glance, so I merrily applied another PCN. We are now waiting to see what happens :)

I was more than happy when I knocked off at 12 today, got home as fast as I could to enjoy the long weekend. I really couldn't be bothered to cook so it was chish & fips all round tonight, then a nice laze for the rest of the evening - started off with a well iced Magners, continued with a glorious room temperature Lodi and now as I'm writing this, I'm about to finish a nice Pinot Blush and, not feeling too tired, wondering what to glug next - could be another Magners as I fancy a bit of strategy gaming (yes, a girlie that really likes PC gaming).

Remember : A tactical wife is one who makes sure she spends so much on herself that her husband can't afford another woman.